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Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Pampered Columbia princesses hump a rubber chicken

  Off the topic of politics for a post, let's deal with the topic of the twenty self-absorbed "feminists" it takes to change a light bulb.
  So if you go to an expensive college and fork over $60,000 a year in tuition, accumulating hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and major in the intense but misunderstood puppetry discipline, then can't find a job outside academia, you kinda deserve what you get.
  Around here, we have a local university (BGSU) that offers a major in popular culture. Yes, people actually pay lots of money (not the ivy league prices) to employ ten full time faculty members in popular culture, one of whom writes about the "cultural meaning of Barbie."
  (Unfortunately BGSU is running a deficit, requiring cuts of 30-40 full time nontenure track teachers.)
  Now we hear that some pampered princesses at Columbia are uncomfortable with the pre-18th century writers' names on the buildings at Columbia, particularly the library, where they decided to film a porn film. 
  Where are the female building names, they agonize?
  Directed by a princess named Coco, the film is truly one of the more horrendous, self-gratifying, absurd moving depictions of bony chicks you can possibly imagine and, yes, I watched it.
  If you don't want to waste three minutes watching this nonsense, I'll tell you it involves young women with long hair sitting at a library table, removing their shirts and then licking stuff off the floor next to a rubber chicken. I think their pornographic actions are supposed to be erotic but, um, no. Did I mention scrawny?
  I rarely watch even R rated films so I'm probably not the best judge but, really, this "film" rivals a five year old's self-indulgent narcissism and editorial quality control. They're running up and down narrow halls, peering at each other with furtive concern, and humping the floor so much you wonder what in the heck their majors are, who let them in, and what destiny holds for them. 
   Perhaps "A Treatise on Beyonce?" or "Kanye West's Fashion Sense"?
  Or maybe they'll end up running for Congress. Or something. Running for Senate. Or something. The world is her oyster.
  Professor Turley protests their protest, explaining the (to them irrelevant) history of Columbia's promotion of opportunities for women. Indeed, Coco describes their actions as "repulsive" but fighting "gender tension" and for more respect for women.
  Oh, these teeny heaving bosoms really engender more respect for women.
  Also do you know what cisgender means? Probably you don't but you are. Cisgender, that is.

  The things you learn in retirement.
UPDATE: From the Gawker comments over at the cess pool:

What's with the ridiculous granny panties?

They're FEMINIST. They don't conform to your patriarchal Victoria's Secret g-string bullshit. You pig.

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