Am I crazy?

  So I've backed off politics (well, sort of) this week because the weak-kneed and unserious Republicans don't seem to be taking seriously the titanic debt this country has been accumulating. 
  It goes without saying that the unspeakably dishonest Democrats are cause for alarm.
  Soooo too much shouting at the tv, rages against people I've never met, anxiety at the sight of young people, wondering what kind of future they're going to have, considering the mess my generation is making of this country, especially for them. (Ain't we considerate.)
  Take, for example, this problem of air traffic controllers falling asleep on their jobs.
  Having been on many a red eye flight, I can verify that indeed airports, in general, (except Las Vegas of which I have a very unpleasant and many houred memory but that's a whole nother story) are quite dead after a certain hour at night, with very few flights coming in and out at those ungodly hours.
  So it must be really boring to be an air traffic controller during those hours but you probably only need one person on the job.
  I asked my ancient father yesterday, who worked nights for many years, what would have happened if he had fallen asleep on the job. "Well," he winced,"I would've been fired, that's what."
  Novel thought.
  But what does the FAA do when it finds out their air traffic controllers are falling asleep on the job? 
  Does the FAA suggest air traffic controllers quit playing Enya while they work the graveyard shift?
  Do they supply free coffee?
  Do they consider installing devices that would require regular check ins initiated by movement, like the lowly night watchman who has to do a check card regularly?
  Do they consider pressure sensitive alarms?
  No, of course not.
  They suggest the air traffic controllers bring their mats for naptime, like we did in kindergarten.
  But this would be controlled naptime, the feds say. 
  What would controlled federal naptime look like? 
  Maybe like auto workers' breaks? 
  Ha. 
  Because you know how good the feds are at controlling things, like, say, that first time homebuyer tax credit.
  Instead of preparing for staying awake, they'll practice sleeping?
  They also want it to be a two man job, thanks to the push for unionizing federal jobs, where the main goal is to get more employees, like in Illinois where a third of state employees are on workers' comp and they need to hire more pre-workers' comp workers to replace the current workers' comp state workers.
  So two can sleep on the job?
  I ask, am I crazy?
  The government can't figure out how to balance their books. They've spent us into oblivion. They want more of our money.
  But they're going to hire more inefficient workers with even lower standards?
  So, in light of the current stupid solutions, I think I have some better ones.
  I'll run a Sleep Abuse Rehab Center where federal government workers will learn different behavior.
  Instead of the typically inefficient ways to reinforce non-sleep behavior, though, at MY institute we'll put other measures in place, which would be far more effective than the solutions now being considered. 
  These are my  ideas to resolve the sleep problem the FAA has with its air traffic controllers.
  At my Sleep Abuse Rehab Center, I will:

• put pins in the headrest.
• install electrical shock therapy in headrests
• replace computer keyboards with drool sensitive ones.
• place timers in bathroom stalls that trigger fire alarms after, say, 10 minutes.
• provide cats preferably in heat to periodically lick the face for chair headrests. 
• require pumping an EFX to maintain heat/air conditioning.
• Pump delicious unattainable food aromas through the room.
• provide inflatable chairs that deflate regularly and which require hand pumping to reinflate.
• A periodic facial auto splash.
• pump cayenne pepper through the air ducts.
• lace the water coolers/coffee with ex lax.
• pipe loud German polka music into the tower.

  Alternate to these methods, I will fire those individuals who fall asleep on the job.
  That's all I can think of now.
  What do you think?
  Am I crazy?