The speech: really, really long

  Leaked here. 
Predictions:
  We're all one family. 
  We all need to get along now that the Republicans have won. 
  We need to be nice. 
  We need more teachers. 
  We need more public servants. 
  We're going to save money by investing in teachers, public servants and the new ACORN COI.
  We GOT to save money. We GOT to do it, cuz America is an idea that will endure.
  Now that my poll numbers are up because Republicans are in office The world has changed. China's knocking at our door. We have competition, particularly since I caved on so many negotiations. This is a global marketplace; we welcome the competition and wish well those who compete for world dominance in that marketplace.
  This guy who's sick needs health care, so don't try to get rid of it. This other guy's who sick will go broke if he has to pay for his brain operation.
  We're going freeze federal employees' salaries for two years, but not their step increases and bonuses.
  The investing we are doing is about America; it's for America; it's for the children.
  OMG did you see Michelle O's dress? Were those really her SPANX showing?
Let me sum up the speech in the words of the inimitable Buzz Lightyear: To infinity and beyond!