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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

First, let's kill all the taxpayers

  So I got a small dog. 6 pounds, as a matter of fact.
  I've noticed people with small dogs really gravitate toward small dogs when they're away from their own.
  Goochy goochy. Wook at her wittle paws? Awww, so cute.
  People who own small dogs tend to be big babies who love to nuzzle tiny faces and maybe even get licked across the cheek by a small warm tongue.
  Sound dangerous?
  So there's this park in San Francisco where people have walked their little dogs off leash for years. 
  This guy Gary is out walking his two small dogs. (People who are real softies get TWO small dogs so their dogs will never have to be alone. I mean seriously. Real saps. I might mention again I only got one.)
  So this guy Gary is out with his dogs, no leashes, frolicking in the park, no ID, enjoying the moment because that's what life's about, right?
  Unfortunately the guy didn't know (or care) that this park had been turned over to the feds in December, and, being feds, they have their rules and, being feds, you'd better obey.
  One of the rules is that you may not walk your dogs off leash.
  Because see it's January, and December was so long ago, and the guy should have known that, now that the feds own the park, those little dogs better be on a leash.
  So a park ranger, a female undoubtedly overweight and stuffed into tight shorts with a Groaning Zipper, spots Gary, frolicking with his little dogs without leashes and decides she needs to slink behind him and demand ID so she can cite him for walking those dogs without leashes.
  I mean, she's a fed, right? And she gave an order, right?
  Gary, being a red blooded able American, naturally gives her a phony name and bolts the other direction.
  She who shall remain unnamed tries to catch him and when he won't stop, she pulls out her electric shock gun, shoots him and lays him flat out on the ground because, you know, he "failed to obey a lawful order."
  Those who witnessed it called the incident "scary," maybe because everything was copacetic until the federal employee decided to introduce violence into the park scene.
  Is Ms Groaning Zipper in trouble? Was her name released to the public? Was she scolded for overreacting, particularly since the rule was a new one and, hey, Gary's a taxpayer and clearly not a threat?
  It doesn't appear so.
  When questioned about the incident, the government explained her actions this way:
The ranger was trying to educate residents of the rule, Levitt said.
  Well, now.
  That's improving the quality of life. 
  An education. That's what we all need.
  To be government educated about all their rules.
  Maybe we'll end up with police records like Gary, who was arrested for "suspicion of failing to obey a lawful order, having dogs off-leash and knowingly providing false information."

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