. . .if this “crisis” is as real as we are being told, then these steps should be taken immediately:* Declare a 2 or 3 year moratorium on all rock/pop concerts, in every venue, but especially in stadiums and at night. Gaia could live for several hundred years more just on the absence of match-lighted power ballads, the darkening of stage and stadium lights, the canceled pyrotechnics, the unplugged amplifiers and garaged roadie trucks and buses, the grounded private jets, and the unprinted commemorative posters. I am a fan of U2, but if not lighting a few million Hanukkah candles could do so much, then perhaps canceling their splendidly ironic ZOO-TV tour of 1992-3 could have, all by itself, saved the planet for all time: each one of its 157 shows — just the shows themselves — used one million watts of power.
* Cancel [all] Olympics — [All] Olympics will require enormous amounts of energy to transport and house hundreds of thousands of athletes, spectators, and journalists. Consider all the energy wasted in lighting arenas and transmitting images and commentary. Consider the deforestation resulting from all of those programs and paper sports-drink cups. In a “crisis,” we ought not be amusing ourselves with athletics. In fact, let’s cancel baseball and football, hockey and all ice-dancing, too, until the planet can be officially declared “saved.”
* Suspend all film and nonessential television production — In a time of genuine “crisis” we cannot in good conscience fire up those klieg lights, blow up those cars, chauffeur those stars, burn that petroleum-based film, or fly over to Cannes — privately, of course — for promotional purposes or dress fittings. “What,” you cry, “no new Die Hards or Rambos?” Well, if this is a “crisis” we’re going to have to act like it’s a crisis. I know it’s hard, but we must be brave — after all, we’re trying to save the world here.
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