NASA: curbing global warming could prevent an alien attack

  If you'll recall, under Obama the mission of NASA (National AERONAUTIC and SPACE Agency) has been changed from space travel to reaching out to Muslims and stopping global warming.
  Supposedly this was to save money from all that expensive flying to the space station stuff, but now it is revealed what some of these NASA (when are they going to change that name?) scientists have been up to.
  Obviously this is productive research and certainly not a waste of tax dollars. 
  Nor is this research political, since these NASA scientists have obviously taken their mission quite seriously and have now yet another reason for all you rubes to get your acts together and quit flying your Air Force Ones and driving your campaign non-political tour buses around the country, adding carbon to the atmosphere.
  Yes, it's true. 
  If we all don't start driving VOLTs, possibly the most unpopular car in the US, aliens might blow the earth up in anger that we aren't properly caring for our planet. The Guardian reports:

It may not rank as the most compelling reason to curb greenhouse gases, but reducing our emissions might just save humanity from a pre-emptive alien attack, scientists claim.

Watching from afar, extraterrestrial beings might view changes in Earth's atmosphere as symptomatic of a civilisation growing out of control – and take drastic action to keep us from becoming a more serious threat, the researchers explain.

  This is not all. You probably should stop breathing too. These aliens might be so committed to the atmosphere and interplanetary recycling that they'd consider getting rid of us before we get too numerous and problematic to deal with effectively. 

"Green" aliens might object to the environmental damage humans have caused on Earth and wipe us out to save the planet. "These scenarios give us reason to limit our growth and reduce our impact on global ecosystems. It would be particularly important for us to limit our emissions of greenhouse gases, since atmospheric composition can be observed from other planets," the authors write. 

  They want you to cut down on methane gas, too, which means no more meat (cows flatulate a great deal and so do you when you eat meat so stop eating it). 
  Actually flatulation causes more global warming than transportation so it is somewhat surprising that the government hasn't tried to destroy that industry too.
  You must take these admonitions seriously.
  Your government is here to help you.
  And spend your money.
UPDATE: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!