Federal bureaucrats make do in the age of austerity

Do you worry that the federal workforce is overworked and confined to dreary work places? You may not have known that we have a National Water Center, a subset of the National Weather Service but I'm sure it's indispensable to the commonweal. If you worry about the employee's working conditions at their new facility on the campus of the University of Alabama rest assured they'll be alright.
The Washington Free Beacon has obtained the proposed contract that will dictate working conditions in this new environment and if you think the sequester has in any way impinged on bureaucratic opulence it is you who are all wet- not the National Water Center people. You will want to read the proposal in its entirety but to whet your appetite savor these creature comforts the federal union hopes to bestow on its deserving membership.
One would think the employer, that is you the taxpayer, could at least be trusted to pick the paint colors. Not on your life! The people at the Water Center have standards and they are in no mood to accede to the plebeian tastes of the 99%.

All interior walls be painted using “Sign Enamel Satin Paint”. Any operational and common area will be painted in the shade “marine” and all office areas will be painted in the shade “beeswax.”

Okay, but a less pragmatic union would insist on oak paneling at least in the offices and surprise, everyone will get his / her own office.

Cubicles will not be used in the building, each person will have their own office; office walls must be at a minimum 3 inches thick and insulated with “Quiet Batt 30 Soundproofing Insulation.”

Help me here. Does each person have "their" office? What the hell. I didn't write it I just copied  and pasted it but the point is people should not have to work together.

No NWS bargaining unit employees at the National Water Center will be assigned to work full time at a “collaborative work station.”

Of course not. They could get germs or even STD's. But as nice as the office space may be there is no place like home.

All employees assigned to the National Water Center will be allowed to telework at least 50 percent of the time and be provided GFE laptops.

Why not? We can't have them walking about and wearing out the carpet and we're not speaking of just any carpet either.

The floor in all common areas will be concrete covered by Leonardo Travertine 12 x 24 polished tiles.
All Offices will have Jacaranda Ranila Grey carpet and Leggett & Platt 12.7mm foam carpet padding.

An what will we put on Jacaranda Ranila Grey carpet with the Leggett & Platt foam padding? Why a Freedom Task Chair with Headrest and Advanced Gel Arms with Textile and a Kathy Ireland desk of course.

Each employee will be provided a “Freedom Task Chair with Headrest.” The chairs will have “Advanced Gel Arms with Textile” with the textile color Cervo Leather Campigna; the chairs will also feature the polished aluminum frame with graphite trim.

Each employee will be provided the following desk from the Kathy Ireland Southampton Onyx Collection - Martin Furniture: Black and Oak L-Desk with Right Return, Black and Oak L-Desk with Right Return and Black and Oak Two Drawer Lateral File

Cable TV will be provided to each office with a package that includes all available news and weather channels. Each office will be equipped with a Samsung - 51" Class (50-3/4" Diag.) - Plasma - 1080p - 600Hz - Smart - 3D - HDTV.

Who would expect anyone to have a chair without a polished aluminum frame with graphite trim? You can read about the requirements for the kitchen and break room yourself and the need to make sure the shop steward is justly compensated and gets a personal parking space but like mere taxpayers federal bureaucrats are beset with financial woes when it comes to putting the kids through college. Not to worry.

The NWS will negotiate with the University of Alabama to obtain a tuition discount of 75 percent for employees and their family.

The NWS will negotiate with the University of Alabama to provide access to all University facilities for all NWS employees at no cost to the employee.

Remember this post the next time we have a fight about raising the debt ceiling.