Obama Chokes On Peas

President Obama abruptly left the debt ceiling talks yesterday evening after apparently choking on his peas. Reportedly he told Congressman Eric Cantor "Eric, don’t call my bluff. I'm going to the American people with this." While accounts of the histrionics vary depending on the sources' partisan loyalties, most agree the trouble began when Congressman Cantor began to rip off the President's Band-Aid. Some accuse the President of not checking his ideology at the door while others noted that the President had boldly stepped out of his comfort zone. White House spokesman Jay Carney has pledged to to press the President's speech writers to come up with fresh cliches and platitudes by the time negotiations resume today. "We will leave no stone unturned," promised Carney. " We can't just keep kicking this can down the road."